hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
