I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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