you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
