I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
