last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
