The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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