I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
