you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
