yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
