You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
