Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
