If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
