You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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