Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
