he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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