How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
