He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize