you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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