Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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