rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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