My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've blown a few things in my day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
