i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
