hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
