I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
