i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
