Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize