1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize