I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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