You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
