she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize