I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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