how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize