Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
