It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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