Soap is not a condiment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize