Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
