no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He passed out mid-signature
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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