i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
