someone owes me an orgasm
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize