I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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