i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
