Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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