i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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