whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
