problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
