awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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