That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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