he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well I can't set my house on fire every night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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