I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize