Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
