Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize