This girl is more easily done than said...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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