final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
