the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
