Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
