Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
