it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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