It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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