there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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