the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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