How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
