Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
