the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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