need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
