In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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