nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
