we're blogging at a bar
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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